It was scary. But they all are. It came out of nowhere, which was somewhat new. It usually tells me it’s coming. Not now. It just came. It was short, at least. Just in the beginning. I stopped it too fast and it didn’t have a chance to consume itself. No problem, it came back later. It took it’s time the second time. But I was in good hands. She did a good job, she let me have it in front of her for the exact time it was needed. Kept the session open for half an hour more after, just to make sure. The recovery was easier too, it lasted a lot less. Is that good news? Would have been better if it didn’t come again at all, but at least I handled it a bit better this time. Maybe that is progress.
I start worrying. Why is it still here? Why will it not go away? I know it will be a while, but every time it comes I feel like I am back at the beginning. But that’s not true. I handle them better. I got used to it and I know how to react. It’s still far from being fixed, but at least I know what it is. I know it by name and feeling and that helps.

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