The body reacts, much in the same way. But a little different, like it still remembers the steps. It has gained some minor coping mechanisms. I take a breath, I smile. It will be bad, but less than what it was. Little comfort to help me through. I’m not ready, but I am in a different league. I have guns now – knowledge of what it is and how to fight it, both of them.
I’m preparing myself, it doesn’t work very well. Still, it’s all I got. Will it be over soon? Will it be gone forever after this? Probably not, but I still have hope.
Together they pack quite a punch, but the blow has less of an impact. I feel tougher, but not stronger. This is what experience feels like – am I wiser? It still hurts, it still causes pain – is it less strong or have I gotten more stable?